Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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