Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
