He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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