Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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