As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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