Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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