you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
