And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
