3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
