i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
