so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
