4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
