nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
