I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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