i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
