Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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