I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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