he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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