how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
