What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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