i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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