spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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