You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Green mimosas i think yes
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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