you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
