oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
