I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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