sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
