I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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