I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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