Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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