I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
