I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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