That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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