I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
