You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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