i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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