I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
