well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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