Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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