you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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