His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
