how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Never joke about your clitoris.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
