I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
