really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
