I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
