You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
