thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
