So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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