i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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