We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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