I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
