Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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