My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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