I think I died a long time ago.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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