you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
